THE NEW "OVER-40" BARBIES

  1.) Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
  blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
  (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
  editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
 
  2.) Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and
  watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of
  perspiration appear on her forehead!
  With hand- held fan and tiny tissues.
 
  3.) Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
  shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with
  teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
 
  4.) Cook's Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
  with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news
  on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are back!
  Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
 
  5.) Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto
  heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
  dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this
  pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry
  mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.
 
  6.) No More Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
  crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
  Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
 exclusive  age- blasting cosmetics.
 
  7.) Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
  cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
  off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs
  and Ken Jr.  With minivan in robin's egg blue or
  white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
 
  8.) Midlife Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.
  Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is
  just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're
  hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley
  to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to 
do."
 
 9.) Single Mother Barbie. There's not much time for
  primping anymore!
  Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the
  Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr.
  in a fourth-floor walk-up Barbie's selling off her old gowns and
  accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit 
included.
 
  10.) Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally
  caught up with the ultimate party girl.  Now she does 12 steps
  instead of dance steps!
  Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.
  Comes with little copy of The Big Book, a six-pack of Diet Coke,
  and a pack of Marlboro Lights