Various Amusing Stories

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.

"Things don't look good." The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.

"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked.

But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"

"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

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A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity.

The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

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Football....

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about ten minutes later he old man farts again and says, Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7.

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

The old man strains really hard but, to no avail. He can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. The old man poops in the bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."