Cowboy Wisdom

     1. Don't squat with your spurs on.
     2. Don't interfere with something that ain'tbothering younone.
     3. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
     4. The easiest way to eat crow is while it'sstill warm. The colder it 
     gets, the harder it isto swallow.
     5. The biggest troublemaker you'll probablyever have to deal with 
     watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
     6. A woman marries a man thinking she can change him, but she can't. A 
     man marries a woman thinking she will never change, but she does.
     7. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
     8. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
                  (C)1999, Creators Syndicate 
     Technology for country folks (AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)
     LOG On:  Making a wood stove hotter.LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
     MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
     DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truck
     MEGA HERTZ: What you get when yer not keerful gettin thefarwoodoff the 
     truck
     FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
     RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood
     HARD DRIVE : Gettin home in the winter time
     PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time
     WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside
     SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly seasonBYTE: Whut dem dang flys 
     do
     CHIP : Munchies for the TV MICRO CHIP : Whut's in the bottom of the 
     munchie bag
     MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fieldsDOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife
     LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleepsKEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang truck keys
     SOFTWARE:Them dang plastic forks and knifes
     MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barnMAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf
     PORT: Fancy Flatlander wineENTER: Northerner talk fer C'mon in y'all
     RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid forthe rifle
     MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer da rat hole_______________________READ 
     ON
     _______________________
     The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down todrink a 
     beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
     "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stoodup, hitched 
     his
     gun   belt, and said, "I do...Why?" 
     The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thoughtyou'd 
     like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" 
     The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silverwas 
     ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horsewater 
     and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The LoneRanger
     turned  to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run aroundSilver for 
     alittle 
     while and see if you can create enough of a breeze to give him a
     little  relief!" 
     Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles aroundSilver. 
     Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returnedto the 
     bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboystruts into 
     the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse Outside?" The
     Lone  Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong withhimthis 
     time?" 
     The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,...
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(ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?) 
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<(HERE IT COMES!) 
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(DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!) 
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< "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."